Picture this: You're having lunch with your mother, who happens to
know that you've been on WeightWatchers for the last several
months. She sees you reaching for the breadbasket. Again. She
shakes her head, gives you one of her best "Do you really need that
extra dinner roll, dear?" looks, and opens her mouth to let you
have it (and I don't mean the roll!).

What to do: Instead of reverting to behavior fitting of that of a
sullen teenager, try this visualization technique: Imagine a water
pitcher filled to the brim with your mother's well meaning but
hurtful words. See the words being poured from the pitcher into one
of your ears and out the other one. Watch the words as they drip
languidly to the ground, forming a large, disorganized, and useless
puddle.

Now, doesn't that feel good?

The main benefit: Once you're able to master the "I'm Not
Listening; I'm Not Listening!" technique, you'll see that words are
only words. They don't have power or control over us - unless we
allow them to.

--> 2. Avoid confrontation.

Picture this: Your bossy Cousin Rona is over for dinner at yourhouse and volunteers to help you clean up after the meal.
Mid-clean-up, she notices that you're not rinsing the plates
thoroughly before loading them into the dishwasher. You're also
tossing out "perfectly good leftovers" and not using enough
Fantastik on the countertops. Your worst crime of all? Improperly
sealed Tupperware lids. She continues to comment on your
shortcomings, over, and over, and over, and over...

What to do: Tell Cousin Rona, kindly but firmly, that while you're
grateful for and appreciative of her help, this is the way you're
used to scraping your plates, cleaning your countertops, tossing
food scraps and sealing Tupperware. If she still refuses to put a
sock in it, offer to let her load the dishwasher, scrape the plates
and seal the Tupperware. Now you can go into the family room and
put your feet up. Ahhh... that's better!

The main benefit: Nipping annoying, bossy behavior in the bud not
only makes you feel better, it helps you to show the world who's
really the queen of your castle (or kitchen, as the case may be) -
YOU.
 
--> 3. Use distraction.

Picture this: Your son's Bar Mitzvah is quickly approaching andyour mother-in-law has made it her life's work to scrutinize and
question each and every detail of the upcoming event, from the
color of the tablecloths to the inscription on the kippahs. You're
at your wits' end, and are having some pretty intense revenge
fantasies...

What to do: Instead of reading your mother-in-law the riot act,
which will only hurt her feelings, bruise her ego and make your
life worse than it already is, give her several minor but necessary
tasks to perform: greeting guests at the reception; helping to
check coats; mingling during cocktail hour. She'll be thrilled that
you've asked for her help, and you'll be thrilled that she's out of
your hair. Problem solved!

The main benefit: Well meaning relatives can get under your skin,
but why be cruel when it's easier to be kind?

--> 4. Don't take it personally.

Picture this: Your gossipy next-door neighbor sidles up to you and
informs you that she's recently seen your teenage son in town,
trying to buy liquor with a fake ID. Despite the fact that you're
furious, you feel as if your son's juvenile-delinquent behavior is
none of your neighbor's business.

What to do: Instead of telling your neighbor where to stick it,
remember: many hard-to-get-along with folks aren't aware of the
pain and emotional havoc their words and actions wreak. Like a bull
in a china shop, these Nosy Nellies are blithely unaware of the
damage they cause.

Your best course of action in this situation is to politely thank
your neighbor for her concern, and walk away. If you act as if you
care, you're only adding fuel to her already stoked fire. Nothing
annoys a gossip more than disinterest. Nothing.

The main benefit: The biggest mistake made when dealing with a
difficult or gossipy person is to personalize the experience. Take
yourself out of it, and keep in that way. You've got better things
to do with your time than to fritter it away with idle or malicious
gossip.

--> 5. Reject comparisons.

Picture this: Your friend Barbara's favorite pastime is bragging
about her "amazing" daughter, Zoe. Not only does Zoe have a genius
IQ, she's captain of her school's volleyball team, plays
competitive tennis, is an accomplished violinist, and has just
received a full scholarship to Harvard. Your daughter, on the other
hand, a lovely but average teenager, gives you sass and yanks your
chain. You hate to make resentment-filled comparisons, but it's so
hard not to.

What to do: Consider the fact that Barbara is waxing poetic about
her offspring for a reason. Maybe your friend feels as if she's
never reached her potential and is thus living vicariously through
her daughter. Or maybe Barb is bragging in order to cover up the
truth: That her beloved Zoe is actually failing Spanish,
contemplating yet another body piercing, and has a new boyfriend
named Spike, whose prison sentence is almost up. Hey, you never know...

The main benefit: Giving people the benefit of the doubt serves a
greater purpose than making you appear holier-than-thou. It shows
that appearances can be deceiving, and what you see is not
necessary not what you get. Not by a long shot. 

 

The Mission of Wheels in Motion Coaching

Wheels in Motion Coaching is committed to helping women realize
their potential, to successfully balance and streamline their lives, and to attain their goals - one step at a time.

As a Certified Life and Personal Coach and member of the International Coaching Federation (ICF), I help women tackle their most intimate problems and deepest dilemmas, in a caring, sensitive and confidential manner. Let me help you too.

Melissa Roske, ACC
Certified Life and Personal Coach
Wheels in Motion Coaching
"Coaching for Women with a Drive for More" http://www.wheelsinmotioncoaching.com

Telephone: 646-736-8502

 

Try a Complimentary Coaching Session.

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In this sample session, you will have the chance to experience coaching first-hand and to pose any questions you have about coaching.

Prior to this session, you may want to select a specific dilemma or concern as a starting point for our coaching conversation. Following this 30-minute session, you and I will be able to see whether there is a good "coach/coachee" fit between us.

If the chemistry feels right, you may then want to consider whether coaching is something you'd like to pursue. If it is, you and I will proceed from there. There is absolutely no obligation to move forward in the process.

For a complimentary coaching session, please click on: http://www.wheelsinmotioncoaching.com/free-session.asp

 

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