April 2007
- Make Your ‘Self’ Welcome!
- The Art of Being “Self-ish”: 7 Ways to Self-Appreciation
- Mission Statement
- Complimentary Coaching Session
Make Your ‘Self’ Welcome!
Dear {!name},
Hello, and welcome to the first edition of the Wheels in Motion Coaching newsletter!
In this and all issues that follow, you will find practical tips, info-packed articles and useful resources on how to shift your life out of neutral and kick it into high gear, starting now.
For many women – and you’re probably one of them – self-nurturance is not something you think about on a regular basis. After all, there are plenty of others ahead of you in the take-care-of-me line: your spouse or significant other; your kids; your parents; your friends; your neighbors. Everyone except you.
If you fit into this category of unsung and under-appreciated women, you’ll love month’s article, “The Art of Being ‘Self-ish’: 7 Ways to Self-Appreciation,” which highlights the importance, value and benefits of self-care.
The main benefit of reading this article? You might find yourself at the head of the line for a change! I hope you do.
Happy reading, and talk to you soon.
All the best,
Melissa Roske
Life and Personal Coach for Women
Wheels in Motion Coaching
646-736-8502
The Art of Being “Self-ish”: 7 Ways to Self-Appreciation
“Stop thinking about yourself!”
“Attend to others’ needs before your own!”
“Put others FIRST!”
How many times have you heard those words – if not actually spoken, certainly implied?
If you’re like most women, one time too many.
I’d like to propose that it’s time to eradicate this type of feel-bad thinking and replace it with something more valuable; something more positive: The art of being “Self-ish.”
At the risk of being confused with “selfish” – which the Oxford English Dictionary defines as: “concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure at the expense of consideration for others” (ouch!) – “Self-ish” is a completely different kettle of ish.
Being “Self-ish” involves self-care and self-appreciation; self-liking instead of self-loathing. It also means that before you can be nice to others, you’d better be damn sure that you’re nice to yourself. Here, 7 ways to add a dollop of “Self-ishness” to life:
--> 1. Just Say No.
“No” is, by far, the smallest but most difficult-to-utter word in the English language. Why? Because, like Scrooge on Christmas, it makes us appear unkind, and ungiving; unhelpful and self-centered. Worse still, because we’re women and by some freaky law of nature not supposed to turn down an invitation to be sweet and nice, saying “No” makes us feel worse than Schwarzenegger in a Speedo.
My suggestion? Revamp your thinking. Instead of perceiving the word “no” as something evil or negative, see it as an opportunity to be good to yourself. Having a ready-made answer available so you won’t automatically say yes is the key to carrying this task to fruition.
For instance, the next time you’re asked to bake a dozen pies for your kids’ school bake sale and you really don’t want to, try something simple but strong, such as, “No. I’m sorry, I can’t help you this time.” At first the words will feel alien coming out of your mouth, and you might feel guiltier than sin. But after a bit of time and practice, you’ll be saying “No” with ease and gratitude.
The bottom line? Saying “No” is saying “Yes” to self-care and self-value.
--> 2. Go on a date – alone.
Sure, an evening out with your significant (or insignificant) other is great, but when was the last time you wined and dined yourself? Probably never. An essential part self-care and self-appreciation is to treat yourself like someone you value. Someone who you want to spend time with. If you don’t enjoy being alone, why should anyone else want to be with you either?
The next time you find yourself flying solo, dare to be different: Make a reservation at the cozy French bistro down the street and enjoy a hearty plate of steak frites and a nice glass of Merlot. Savor the moment, and enjoy the time you’re spending with yourself. Even if dining alone feels weird or uncomfortable at first, remember: It sure beats vegging out on the sofa in your PJs, with a South Beach Diet dinner and reruns of The People’s Court for company. (You know I’m right.)
The bottom line? Treating yourself like someone special is the first step to believing you are.
--> 3. Move it, buddy!
Part and parcel of being “Self-ish” taking care of yourself inside and out. If your main form of exercise has been scooting back and forth to the fridge during commercial breaks, it might be useful to ask yourself, “Is this behavior serving me well?” Although there’s nothing intrinsically wrong with relaxing in front of the tube, making it a daily habit is not a “Self-ish” thing to do.
Better ideas? Take your bike out of storage and go for a ride; or explore your neighborhood on Rollerblades, or on foot. Jog or speed-walk if you can. Not only will these activities get your blood pumping, you might discover new sights, smells and sounds you’ve never noticed.
The bottom line? Being physically active is, as Martha Stewart would say, “a good thing.”
--> 4. Reach out and touch someone.
Training your “Self-ishness” muscles involves more than looking within. Connecting with others is just as essential. If volunteerism seems appealing to you, for instance, perhaps you’d like to lend a hand at a local soup kitchen or homeless shelter. Or, if you have a special talent, like playing the piano or tap-dancing, showcasing your skills at a local senior citizens’ center or children’s hospital might be right up your alley. The point is, you have a lot to give; not just to your Self but to others. What you’ll get in return is immeasurable.
The bottom line? Give a little, get a lot.
--> 5. Avoid brain freeze.
If your greatest academic achievement of late has been answering questions on Jeopardy, it might be time to reevaluate your strategy. Keeping your brain active and engaged is a very “Self-ish” activity, so why not take some a few steps toward making this goal a reality? One way is to take some adult-education courses, either at your local university, community center or via the Learning Annex (go to http://www.learningannex.com for a comprehensive listing of courses). Not only will you meet some interesting, like-minded people, you’ll have a blast and boost your brainpower in the process. What could be better than that?
The bottom line? Don’t lose your mind; engage it actively.
--> 6. Don’t just sit there – say something!
Your train is late; again. You’ve been kept waiting at the doctor’s office for 45 minutes – and there are three patients ahead of you. The dry cleaners put a crease in your Seven jeans. Your hair stylist is running a half-hour behind schedule.
Some things you can’t control. But that doesn’t mean that you have to put up and shut up. If something doesn’t sit well with you, speak up. Assert yourself, and see what happens. For example, the dry cleaners might offer to redo your jeans free of charge plus offer another service on the house. Or your stylist might give you the pick of prime appointments for next time. Your doctor might even apologize for the wait. The point is, if you kindly but firmly explain how the situation has affected you, the results you’re after are yours for the taking. Not every time, of course, but more times than you’d imagine. It can’t hurt to try.
The bottom line? Sitting and stewing is good for prunes – not for a savvy woman like you.
--> 7. Feel the fear but do it anyway.
If fear is keeping you from doing what you want or need to do – whether it’s driving a car (my problem); learning how to swim (my friend Michele’s problem); or conquering a fear of flying (perhaps your problem?) – being “Self-ish” is absolutely essential. For instance, I would be “Self-ish” by taking driving lessons, because relying on my husband, friends and family to cart me around town does not empower me in the least. Michele would be “Self-ish” to learn how to swim, because it could save her life. What action could you take that would make you feel more “Self-ish?”
The bottom line? A daredevil stands up straighter than a scaredy cat.
The Mission of Wheels in Motion Coaching
Wheels in Motion Coaching is committed to helping women realize their potential, to successfully balance and streamline their lives, and to attain their goals – one step at a time.
As a New York University-certified life coach and member of the International Coaching Federation (ICF), I help women tackle their most intimate problems and deepest dilemmas, in a caring, sensitive and confidential manner. Let me help you too.
Try a Complimentary Coaching Session.
In this sample session, you will have the chance to experience coaching first-hand and to pose any questions you have about coaching.
Prior to this session, you may want to select a specific dilemma or concern as a starting point for our coaching conversation. Following this 30-minute session, you and I will be able to see whether there is a good “coach/coachee” fit between us.
If the chemistry feels right, you may then want to consider whether coaching is something you’d like to pursue. If it is, you and I will proceed from there. There is absolutely no obligation to move forward in the process.
For a complimentary coaching session, please click on:
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