May 2008

• Me, worry?
• Worry No More: 5 Easy Ways
  
• Mission Statement
• Complimentary Coaching Session

 

Me, worry?

Dear {!name},

Two weeks ago, I couldn't fall asleep. I tossed and turned, moved
this way and that. No matter how hard I tried, sleep would not -
could not - come. Too many cups of coffee, perhaps? A gory ER
episode? A jarring, after-hours phone call? Nope. I was engaged in
the oldest activity known to (wo)man: worrying.

You know the kind I'm talking about: the freefall variety, where
one small, niggling worry leads to another, much larger,
far-reaching fear - until full-blown panic sets in. And once that
happens, well... fuhgeddabout it.

Let me give you an example: On the sleepless night in question, I
was worrying about an upcoming event I was to co-chair at my
daughter's school: Grandparents' and Special Friends' Day. No one
made me do it, mind you; I willingly volunteered.

When I was first asked to handle this event, the possibility of
failure didn't occur to me. I knew the event would turn out fine,
as it did in years past. But once the date of the event loomed
closer, worries large and small began to rear their ugly little
heads.

What if something were to go wrong? What if, for instance, my
co-chair got sick and I had to do everything on my own? Or what if
one of the grandparents got lost in the school building, only to
emerge days - or even weeks! - later, tired, hungry and
disoriented. Then what? The blame would fall squarely on my
shoulders!

Of course, these worries turned out to be completely unfounded.
Grandparents' Day went off without a hitch. Fun was had by all -
myself included.

The moral of this story? Worry is part and parcel of the human
condition, but maybe, just maybe, it doesn't have to be. 

Enjoy this month's article - and worry no more!

Melissa Roske
Life and Personal Coach for Women
Wheels in Motion Coaching

646-736-8502

Worry No More: 5 Easy Ways
 

Some worries are rational - global warming; rising gas prices;
impending crow's feet - while others are not: The possibility of
Brad Pitt and George Clooney showing up at the same time for their
date with you (!); forgetting the opening line to your Oscar speech
and... insert your own worry here ____.

Most of the time we worry about the wrong things anyway. So, if
you're a bona-fide worrywart, the following article will help you
learn how to kick your woes and worries to the curb, once and for
all.

Worry Zone #1: Health

Worrying about your health is a fact of life. After all, everyone
gets sick at one point or another. But when health-related fears
get in the way of your everyday functioning, then something's gotta
give: namely, the way you think about your health.

One way to put your worries to bed is by being vigilant about
staying healthy. That's not to say you need to become a
card-carrying hypochondriac, but it can't hurt to take proper care
of yourself. That means eating a healthful, well-balanced diet;
exercising regularly; drinking plenty of water; getting enough
sleep... you know the drill.

Sure, taking care of yourself is easier said than done, especially
if you lead a crazy-busy life. But if you neglect your health, it's
likely that you really will have something to worry about.

Worry-Free Top 3: Get a physical; eat well (or take a multivitamin
if you don't); chug some Evian.

Worry Zone #2: Money

Who doesn't worry about money, especially in these uncertain,
recessionary times? But that doesn't mean that you have to let
fiscal fears reduce to you emotional Jell-o. Take action by taking
control.

One way is by creating a financial overview - a document that
chronicles your spending and saving habits. In this overview you'll
want to list every penny you have, including savings and checking
accounts, stock and mutual funds, bonds, retirement funds, and so
on. Once you see where your money is actually going - or perhaps
where it's not going (i.e., into the bank!), you'll have a better
idea concerning which actions need to be taken.

For inspiration, be sure to check out Suze Orman's  über-useful,
The 9 Steps to Financial Free-dom: Practical and Spiritual Steps So
You Can Stop Worrying (Three Rivers Press, 2000). In this book,
Orman spells out exactly what you need to do - and not do - in
order to achieve fiscal and emotional wellbeing.

Worry-Free Top 3: Reduce your debt; start saving for retirement;
hire a financial planner if need be.

Worry Zone #3: Relationships

If you're in a romantic relationship, chances are you worry about
it. If you're not in a relationship, you probably worry about that
too. Sadly, worry and relationships tend to go hand-in-hand.

One way to avoid relationship-related worry is to be clear about
what you want and need when it comes to relationships.

Case in point: My client Tammy, who's now in a committed
relationship, knew at the onset that she needed to be with a man
who was capable of being monogamous, due to the fact that her
previous partner had a track record of infidelity. As a result of
this painful experience, Tammy made sure to communicate her needs
to Tom, her current boyfriend, in order to avoid any
misunderstandings or disappointments down the road.

That's not to say that making your desires known guarantees
long-term contentment and harmony. It also doesn't guarantee that
your needs will necessarily get met. But by being crystal clear
about what you can and cannot tolerate, the road to romantic bliss
will be a lot easier to navigate.

Worry-Free Top 3: Clarify your wants and needs; communicate these
needs to your partner; hold fast to your ideals.

Worry Zone #4: Work

With deadlines to meet, clients to cater to and a boss to appease,
worrying about your job performance is often a given. But waiting
for the proverbial other shoe to drop can take a serious toll on
your physical and emotional wellbeing.

Although you can't eliminate all stressors from the workplace, you
can try to adjust the intensity of your job. One way is by breaking
up your day with short, relaxing respites and "mini-meditations."

For example, in a recent University of New Mexico study of
stressed-out nurses, the nurses took hour-and-a-half breaks to
"paint, bead, make gift cards or create collages - in addition to
receiving 10-minute massages and listening to music." The nurses
reported feeling- surprise, surprise! - "far less tense" after each
break.

While it's doubtful that you can expect on-the-job massages or
hour-long beading breaks (as if!), a "mini-meditation," as follows,
can help you to relax, unwind and de-stress. Here's how:

Turn your attention away from your computer or work station and
close your eyes. Breathe in slowly for a count of five; exhale.
Repeat 10 times. You might opt to recite a mantra such as, "I am
relaxed and content." You can say it aloud or in your mind. When
exhaling, silently repeat the mantra. If done regularly, this
practice can offset the effects of your body's reaction to stress
and clear your head.

Worry-Free Top 3: Adjust your attitude; take short breaks; practice
"mini-meditations."

Worry Zone #5: Family

If you're a parent, you worry about your kids: Are they happy? Well
adjusted? Performing nicely in school? If you're a caregiver, you
worry about what the future may bring. Will your loved one's
condition worsen over time? Will your elderly parent need to enter
a nursing home or assisted-living facility? Or, if irksome in-laws
or exasperating siblings are your concern, you worry about how to
deal with their problems and demands. Will they drive you to the
brink of sanity?

This, of course, is the stuff restless nights are made of.

The solution is surprisingly simple: Although you can't chart your
kids/parents/siblings/in-laws' destiny or control their actions,
you can change the way you react to their individual situations and
problems.

Nadia, a long-term client who's been dealing with a drama-queen
sister, drives this point home:

"My younger sister has a way of creating unnecessary drama in her
life. I know I shouldn't react to it, but I always seem to get
sucked in by her problems, whether it's holding her hand after a
bad break-up or helping her meet her rent after she's been fired
from one job or another. Worrying about my sister is beginning to
feel like a full-time job."

During our coaching session, I asked Nadia whether there's any way
she might be contributing to the situation. At first she couldn't
think of anything. But then, after careful consideration, Nadia
admitted that by always being there to pick up the pieces, she's
been enabling her sister to be as dramatic - and as helpless - as
possible.

The solution? Nadia had a heart-to-heart conversation with her
sister and told her, as openly and honestly as she could, that she
no longer felt comfortable co-starring in her sister's theatrical
productions. Not surprisingly, Nadia's sister soon stopped relying
on Nadia and began standing on her own two feet.

Worry-Free Top 3: Change your perspective; don't aid and abet
others' dramas; stand your ground, always.

 

The Mission of Wheels in Motion Coaching

Wheels in Motion Coaching is committed to helping women realize their potential, to successfully balance and streamline their lives, and to attain their goals - one step at a time.

As a New York University-certified life coach and member of the International Coaching Federation (ICF), I help women tackle their most intimate problems and deepest dilemmas, in a caring, sensitive and confidential manner. Let me help you too.

 

Try a Complimentary Coaching Session.

In this sample session, you will have the chance to experience coaching first-hand and to pose any questions you have about coaching.

Prior to this session, you may want to select a specific dilemma or concern as a starting point for our coaching conversation. Following this 30-minute session, you and I will be able to see whether there is a good "coach/coachee" fit between us.

If the chemistry feels right, you may then want to consider whether coaching is something you'd like to pursue. If it is, you and I will proceed from there. There is absolutely no obligation to move forward in the process.

For a complimentary coaching session, please click on:

http://www.wheelsinmotioncoaching.com/free-session.asp

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